SSgt Jeremie S. Border... R.I.P.

Ok...I think I have finally gotten to a place that I can talk about Border's death without falling apart...Here goes... Border give me strength... SSGT. Jeremie S. Border was a man among men. You were the man who no matter what obstacle stood in your path, your shoulders were broad and your voice firm. You loved your family more than any other and to every body around you it was known. You were not cowardice, prejudice, or any other means weak... You were as strong as any person I have ever known. You were the one thing that made sense for so many months..years... You were my best friend, my shelter from the hard, cruel realty, my safe place.... I loved you on a level that can not be reginerated.. You called me "love".. and I now realize that I was taking for granted all the times I repayed that gesture. I took for granted how much we loved each other...I loved you more than you will ever know, and that's my fault... I had every oppportunity to tell you that you were amazing, that you were the best friend I ever I had, that I truly loved you....Jeremie Shane Border... You helped me become who I am today and I am a lesser person today because you are not here.... I love you more than you will ever know. You would be so honored by the send off that Mesquite gave to you...I will tell you that as the emotional girl you know me to be, I lost it as I saw the respect and love they showed you, Border... Border, they all but closed down the world for You!!! I fell apart driving... Honestly, I almost rear-ended the guy in front of me...you truly got a heroes send off like you deserved and like I couldn't imagine... Only, I keep imagining it's someone else...because surely, the person I told everything, the person I loved like my brother, the person I felt was my soul mate ....why you???.......... ok..I'm ok... they stopped incomming traffic from disturbing the procession... and It seriously was amazing, Love... They had emergency personnel stopped on every over pass and saluting... I called my mom because I couldn't handle it... You would have been the one I would have called, that was the hardest part. I wanted, needed you and you weren't there ...That was honestly the hardest funeral I've ever been to.. but you would know that... I love you my dear friend. I know that you are sitting up their with God with a smirk on your face, talking about what's next.... I bet you have your smile...I wish I could see your smile again. I love you, Border. Until I see you again my dear sweet friend.... And I think it's funny that you're probably laughing at me for "being a girl" for crying like I am. But I love you, Border. I miss you, Love. I just wanted you to know that you had a Heroes send off like you can't imagine, and the people down here miss your smile.... I love you Border.. Send me a nice guy Okay?! I love you...and miss you.

365 recap

So,lessons learned in the past year....

1. You can't make someone love you...it doesn't matter how much work you put into it, what you do, say,give them, or how many hours you put into trying to make them love you...they either will or won't and sometimes they just won't.

2. I am too competitive to enjoy golf. I want to enjoy it, I like the idea of golf, but when it comes down to it...I really think I just shouldn't play bc I just get mad. As goes with Monopoly(which I have come to truly hate, I think.)

3. Not all long distance relationships are created equal. It completely depends on the people in them and how much they like/care about/or want it to work with the other person.

4. Never keep an old flame burning. All an old flame will do is burn you...Put it out!

5. Working out really does make you feel better..but you actually have to show up for it.

6. You are going to make mistakes, but you will make more mistakes when you take the control from God in your life and do it your own way.

7. Sometimes you have to walk away from people you love to save your sanity.

8. Never let the opinions of others control your opinion of youself.

9. For every sixty seconds you spend upset, that's a whole minute of happiness you will never get back.

10. You can make yourself a better person if you work at it.. but its one thing that you have to do alone. It's not something others can make you do, so until you want to be better, its not going to happen.

Have a blessed New Year!

Have a GOODloe Year!

I ain't settling, for anything less than everything...

You ever wake up and realize you are operating your life at mediocre?  I mean not that I am not giving my best at the things I am doing but that I am not doing things that I feel I will look back on in a few years and be really proud of.  Well, I woke up like that last week…

I have the house, car, job and maintain them.  I do well at my job and I do well at the activities I am involved with outside of my job.  But I want more.  I want to be bilingual, healthy, get out of debt, to start a family… And the thing about it is that I can do some of them with a little work but that God WILL bless me with the rest, I just need to have faith.

So, how am I going to achieve my goals that I can do myself?  I am doing Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish, I am working out, I am putting myself on an even stricter budget and starting my own side craft business, and well the last one isn’t mine to handle.  There are other things I want to do but those are some biggies.

So to keep me accountable to my above goals, I am going to post my progress on my blogs so that yall know if I am slacking and can razz me!  And you better!  I need the encouragement!

I weighed myself on 11/8 and took measurements and will re-measure 12/8 to give an update.

Yo tengo un perro negro. :-)

Have a GOODloe Day!

Crossroads...

There comes a point in every person's life when something important is staring them in the face and they have a choice. 

A, you can follow your head...it might be the safest, might keep you from getting hurt, might be where the money is, for whatever reason, in that situation it is what any sane mind might look at as generally the one path you should take...
B, you can make a concious decision to make no decision and let "life" make the decision for you.  Again, you might feel it is safer because you aren't risking anything by being stable, right?
C, you can follow your heart...obviously the most risky...your physical heart for some reason is attached to emotional feelings and does actually ache if something goes wrong when "following your heart." But while the cost is the greatest, the benefits are also the most rewarding.  Following your heart can lead to love, or a new career, or friendship, or forgiveness, or a dozen other things, but like I said, if something goes wrong, the cinch around the middle of your chest is going to be pulled awfully tight..

So whats the plan?  Do you have one? Do I have one?  Will it matter?

...I choose to toss in all of my marbles... here's to hoping they don't get thrown back...

Have a GOODloe Day!

Get Real...

“Real”... “100% real juice”.. “The real deal”.. “It’s the realthing!”.. There are very few things in life that are as real as they say.  I’ll admit that some days just to help theday pass more smoothly, I am not as real as I’d like to be, but right now, I’m gonna get real with you…
When I get upset I cry. When I get mad I cry.  And sometimes I laugh so hard that I cry.
I sing in the car almost every time I am alone.
I bite my nails when I’m nervous, or sometimes just because I am bored.
I put me or someone I know into every song I hear on the radio.
When I am really upset I can’t eat, but when I am really stressed I over eat.
I’m more likely to stress over the people in my life than money, but once I start stressing everything stresses me out.
When I love someone I give everything I can, until I realize they don’t feel the same…and I find myself withdrawing.   
I have a major complex about nose that began years ago from kids teasing me.
When I feel threatened I get defensive and don’t always play fair.
Been known to have a beer or a pint of ice cream after a bad day.
I don’t usually forgive quickly, even though I know I should. 
I will be your greatest ally if you keep me on your side and never mess with my family.
I have been cheated on so many times that my expecting it is now a blessing and a curse… I know what to watch for but I am also overly suspicious and it can hurt someone I care about.
I could probably go all day, because I feeling pretty open right now, but I’m sure you don’t really want to read about my flaws and oddities for pages…so I am going to stop…But what I want you to do is get real with yourself and those you care about. Embrace your Ben & Jerry’s moments and your squeaky Mariah moments in the car.  Love him as if he is goingto look at you like that forever… You never know when will be your last carride home so tell him you love him, even if you’re saying it alone.
Have A GOODloe Day!

Walking the dog..

You ever noticed that when you walk your dog they always seem to wait until a car passes to make their business?  However, Today Anabelle picked nice, secluded, grassy patch that had it not been a church yard I would have apporoved..It was out of eyesite of passing cars and I had to agree with her that the grass was nice and plush.  But there is just something wrong with letting your dog doo on holy grounds...so when she started circling I was like, "NOOOOO!!!!!" and did what felt like a slow motion run to stop her.  It seemed "Marley & Me" esque (the part where marley poos in the ocean).  I got her to another grassy knoll, and of course I got to wave as the cars seemed to stream by while she read the newspaper.
As we continued on it was kind of nice.  The light breeze seemed to take the burn out of the 100 degree sun bearing down on me.  I could see the park just ahead and I could tell Ann could too because she got a little extra hitch in her giddyup...she started kinda running and looking back like " Really mom, I am running faster you?" So I trotted a bit and our feet finally sunk into the soft grass.  As I sat there for a minute I was like wow, this is nice, I should do this more often.  It was nice just siting in the cool grass with my dog and not worrying about anything...and then the yelling.....  Apparently these were the only tweens in Artesia without cell phones.  All the way across the park they carried on a conversation about why one was leaving..."Where ya going?" "I'm leaving." "Why?"  I stopped listening at this point because I was perplexed by the person I was seeing yelling across the park.  Very long Bieber hair(almost girl length but shaped for a guy), black wardrobe from head to toe aside from the chains, pants so baggy and so low I honestly have NO IDEA how he kept them on.  It was a magic trick of some sort is all I can gather.  He was kindaa ambling back toward his bellowing companions and it took all I had to not yell, "Hey boy, if you put your drawers on you'll get there faster!" I decided heading back might be the better idea.
On the way back, I stopped and talked to a friend from church who I realized lives along the way (at which time I also realized Anabelle is not as comfortable with other dogs as I have always thought.) Moving along after small talk about the weather, my walk was almost complete.  Anabelle rounded the next two corners as if we had taken this route a hundred times before, I think she is a lot smarter than I giver her credit for...and I KNOW she is a lot smarter than Drew gives her credit for, but that is a-whole-nother blog. 
So a few more walks under her belt and maybe I can get her and Guinness out at the same time...That should be lots of fun, and lots of embarrassing potty breaks to endure!
Have a GOODloe Day!

Make you cringe...and maybe giggle

OK…so, here is a little light reading brought to you only by the great Land of Enchantment…I was sent the story in a forward so I had to look it up because I couldn’t believe it.  But sure enough it happened just as it was sent to me, only the account by this reporter was more thorough and has a couple details that were a little funny (you’ll see if you read all the way through)… If your jaw doesn’t drop you don’t have an empathetic grain in your body or a sense of humor.  This is one of those stories that hails a, “You might be a redneck if…” “Twisted it off, O-F-F, OFF!”

LAS CRUCES - The woman who twisted off her daughter-in-law's nipple in a drunken brawl has pleaded guilty to the crime just days before she was set to go to trial.

Amelia Love Oveide, 46, entered the last-minute guilty plea to aggravated battery against a household member with great bodily harm on Friday afternoon, said Deputy District Attorney Michael Heitz.

A one-day trial had been scheduled for Thursday before state District Judge Douglas Driggers.

Although the attack left Oveide's daughter-in-law unable to breast feed on one side, the victim supported Oveide receiving a sentence of supervised probation, Heitz said.

"It's her mother-in-law, and everybody had been drinking," Heitz said. "Although she is upset about having her nipple ripped off ... It's still family. (Oveide) helps with child care and everything. She didn't want her to go to prison."

Oveide grabbed the 30-year-old victim's breast when the younger woman tried to intervene in a drunken argument between Oveide and her 27-year-old son early the morning of Dec. 12, 2010, according to a police report. Oveide could only be stopped when the younger woman allegedly started punching her in the face, the report stated.

After Oveide was removed from the apartment in the 1000 block of Idaho Avenue, the victim realized the struggle had left her bleeding. When she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell on the ground, according to the police report.

Instead of calling 911, the victim put the nipple in a bag.

After several hours, she decided she should go to the emergency room at Memorial Medical Center, where the Las Cruces Police Department was called as doctors were attempting to reattach the right nipple to the victim's breast.

A felon whose criminal record includes two convictions for drug possession and one each for firearm possession and concealing a weapon, Oveide was ordered Friday to pay for the victim's medical bills, which totaled around $10,000, Heitz said.

It gets better... wait for it….

The attack was one of the most bizarre the district attorney's office had ever seen, said Heitz, who prosecuted last year's case in which a teenager defecated in a stranger's car - mistakenly thinking it was his girlfriend's.

"This was one of the odder cases," Heitz said. "I can't even imagine what kind of force would be required to tear a nipple off through clothing." –(Las Cruces Sun News, Ashley Meeks)

Gotta love New Mexico and our “odder cases.”  On the second mentioned case, first, who would defecate in another’s car?  And second, who wouldn’t check that it was at least the right car before said defecation?!  I love this reporter for sharing not one, but two redneck stories with us in one piece of journalism.   

Have a GOODloe Day!

Living in the now

Each day that passes we are not only one day closer to our future, but we are also putting one more day between us and our pasts...
I, like most teens-early twenties-mid-twenties girls, was one of those who every time I let myself "fall" for a guy started letting myself think about where it would go and started "making plans"....but life has happened my dears, and I have learned some things.  One of those things is that tomorrow is a new day, and another is that you can't dwell on the past if you want to move forward.
Today I saw who I believed at one time was the love of my life, pushing a baby in a stroller up the street. I did the genial thing and waved to him and his fiance and went about my business. As I drove away I started thinking about all the plans I had once made...the house, the wedding, the family...all of that gone, eh'hem...with him.
There are so many songs about it...Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers", "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts is along the same line, and I had one in my head earlier today and I have lost it momentarily, but anyway.  The point is we will fall in love and we will get our hearts broken....Oh, that was it, "I wanna do it all" by Terri Clark (I love that song)... But with every relationship we will learn something about who we are and who want to be.  I won't tell you everything I have learned about myself through my break ups but I will tell you I feel like I owe apologies to some of my exes for blaming everything that happened on them, when now looking back, I was to blame for some stuff too, it just took some time to see it. 
But now I have learned to live in the present and know that the future will get here when it gets here.  I don't let myself  start even considering what might happen in the future bc when you start doing that, you start living in the future and you forget to enjoy the present.  I know that oneday I will be married and get my house and family that I am wanting, I just have to wait and see who will be the lucky guy that gets to build it all with me. But in the mean time I am going to try to just enjoy spending time with the man who is making me wanna write my own country songs.
Have A GOODloe Day!

Steps...

How does a stranger become a crush and a crush become a “like” and a “like” become your love? Well I think it goes something like this…
When you meet someone there is either an initial attraction or there isn’t…I think it’s pretty rare that if you aren’t attracted to someone in the beginning that you later build an attraction…it’s pretty much there in the beginning or it’s not.  You know nothing about this other person but you think you might like to get to know them better.  There is something in their appearance or in your first snap shot of the personality that makes you think they might have something going for them.  They have a spark about them that draws you.
So…a little time goes on, maybe only minutes, maybe days, or weeks, sometimes you don’t see it for much longer but the spark in this person becomes something that just drives it home for you.  You start getting little school girl giggles when the person around, and while you could have a couple crushes at one time, there is generally one that sticks out in your head as the front runner…the one that if you had your way, you’d have that one… 
When you are crushing on someone you are pretty giddy generally, but unless you are around them a lot for them to see it, they might not know you are THAT into them…but by the time you really like them, they probably get the picture (and so do people around you).  When you like someone you start doing stuff for them and with them.  You start dropping their name a lot more.  You find yourself laughing a lot more and others find you smiling a lot more.  You are generally going to be a happier person and people will see it.
When you realize you’re in love with them, it’s probably something that has crept in and spread over the relationship over time… It’s pretty rare that it was a singular moment in time that just snapped someone into love and they were just "in love all of a sudden"…but more often, just days and nights of the other person just being them…that spark continually twinkling while the rest of the world raged on around the two of you.  You find yourself thinking of them as you nod off to sleep and they fill your dreams, and there they are again when your eyes open…and all through the day they tip toe in your thoughts as you work and play.  The time spent and things done are now solely to make them happy.  Their happiness is your happiness.  Yea…that about covers it…His happiness is my happiness.
Have GOODloe Day!

NFL..you used to hang the moon!

Any of you who really KNOW me, know that I am huge Broncos fan.  But during football season on any given Sunday from 11am-9pm you can probably catch me watching a game whether the Broncos are playing are not.. Long story short, I LOVE FOOTBALL.  And particularly I like watching the NFL, mostly because it is on Sunday so I can have a leisurely day after church and snooze in and out during games all day..pretty much amazing.  Plus, it’s a great reason to get your friends or family together for a little while with a fairly set time of departure for them…can’t beat that.  I like watching football because I can get into something without having any personal skin in the game, so yea I may be a little upset if the Broncos lose a game, but hey, I am not on the payroll so who gives a rip in the long haul, right?! 

All of that said…as big a fan of football as I am…I am about sick and tired of this titty-baby, whiney lock out crap that is going on right now.  You know they are actually talking about having an 8 game season now? Are you kidding me?  If they do that, you know as well as I that the $140 seats that I bought last year will be twice that if not more.  They are money hungry jerk-faces… “we are just out for the fans”—MY A**!!  As I understand what is going on, the owners want more money and the players don’t want to give up their share or play more games to give them more money… if that’s the case, boohoo, the billionaires aren’t getting a raise.  And shame on all of them, they could all afford to give up a little while the rest of the country is hurting the way we are.   

Every month I sit down and realign my budget to make sure I am not living outside of my means, putting enough in savings, doing everything I can to live on a single income budget, while these guys all over the country are throwing a tantrum over their multi-million dollar budget not being enough to pay for the new toilets in the stadium.   GIVE ME A BREAK!  Sell your plane and buy new crappers!  It’s a little thing called living within your means.   If we as the American people can’t afford something we want, we sell something or drop our cable package, we don’t throw a tantrum that will affect the monetary flow into 32 American cities.  Those cities count on the tourism that the NFL teams bring in from September to January.  But like I said, it isn’t about the fans, it’s about their big ol’ fat check books.

So, until they stop their titty-baby tantrum, I think we should boycott NFL products and tickets.  Why put any more money into the pockets of the filthy rich cry babies.  Nothing worse than an “entitled” whiner…I won’t support it anymore.  “Hey NFL, you aren’t the only sport out there!”

Have a GOODloe Day!.. Unless you are the NFL..Y'all can take a flying leap!

Certainties...

Ok, So there is really only one thing in life that I know for sure, without a doubt--The Bible is truth...so with that I can believe in God, have faith that I will go to Heaven when I die and other things detailed in the Bible.... But there is alot that is not specifically outlined in the Bible, or atleast that I have read so far, so there are things that are still unknowns to me...

There is the always lurking "chicken or the egg" question, which really, honestly who cares?..but I am pretty sure God put the chicken on the earth first just like he put Adam and Eve...its not like he put a baby Adam out there to fend for himself.  Then you got other questions like why is the sky blue, or why do they put braille on drive through ATM's?  Questions that you may ask yourself but they don't really affect your everyday life.

But then there are those really important ones....

Like how do I keep my children safe?  Am I making the right career decsions?  Do I buy or rent?  Am I on the right path in life?  When will I (insert life altering occurrence here)?, etc...

With so many uncertainties in life, lots of times it can be easy to make careless decisions or maybe worse in some cases, obsess over the decisions you need to make and make mountains out of mice.  There is a difference in leading a carefree life and a careless life, and it is completely possible to over process your life and stress yourself out.

I am always over processing but that's just who I am.  The unknown scares me and so I feel like sometimes if I can just try to pencil it out I can make it better...well it doesn't always work out that way, and more times than not, that can really mess things up more than it helps.  So, I am trying to work on that.  I am trying to just let my life happen.  Life is certain to happen in its very own time whether I map it out or not and it won't probably happen the way I expect it to anyway so why let it bother me.  Basically life is all about uncertainties and how you can react and change with them...So here is me putting a glass in the air to a more care free, yet careful life (if that makes since)...I am going to just try to enjoy it as it comes at me and stop over analyzing and processing and worrying over things I can't control...Cheers!

Have a GOODloe Day!

Don't Mess With Us

Can you believe it...This time last year planets were almost in alignment, for the moment when I would start writing my blog...What a moment in history right?!  haha..yea I am sure that's exactly what you are thinking. 

Below is my letter to the Artesia Daily Press.  I had a slightly dfferent version up before but this was the final version I sent to print.  I am actually a little surprised they printed it! Was in Wednesday's paper.

So as most people probably know by now, we are dealing with a little bit of a lizard issue lately. Fish and Game wants to list an area lizard as an endangered species. I am an animal lover, but, and the but is big in this case, when the listing of an animal is going to cause an area financial hardship, you have to draw the line.

I wish I would have kept track of how many times in school the word "evolution" was used, or even the name "Darwin" was used. I was a Biology major for a year in school, so I took a couple college courses in the sciences, as well as the many required in high school. In all those classes the fight was always that evolution occurs, animals will adapt, and Darwin's "strong will survive"... So what is up with this lizard? It's the only one in the area that can't seem to move with the times and get his stuff together. He is going to fade away because he can't do the one thing that scientists have been saying for years that all animals should do.

So what's that mean to me? Here’s to trying. If he can't hack it in the wild then they need to move him to a shelter. It's not right to beat up on the economies of 9 counties across NM and TX because of a lizard. That's several thousand households that will be affected unnecessarily.

And I can already hear all the liberal "earth killer" comments but the thing is, unless you live here and will feel the brunt of this, back off, because frankly, our oil and gas pays to keep this state afloat and I will go toe to toe with whoever thinks the lizard can do it better. You may call me a "right-wing republitard nut job," and that’s your prerogative, but I know that it’s because of our oil and gas industry that our area didn't get hit as hard by the recession and bounced back quicker.

We aren’t going down without a fight; we never do. We are God fearing, oil pumping, cattle raising, gun owning, Conservatives...love us or hate us we don't care, JUST DON'T MESS WITH US!
Have A GOODloe Day!

That's Ms. Goodloe to you...

You know what I have realized lately more and more is that there are very few people who are comfortable just being them.  They have to be identified as something or characterized by something.  But I guess a lot of that is societal.  You know, growing up I was R & B’s daughter, then I got into school and I was M’s little sister and D’s big sister…I was so and so’s bff or girl friend or baby sitter… but when do you become you?  In college it was the same, I was a freshman, I was the girl who fell down the stairs (not funny!), I was the class President, cheerleader, a member of T.I.P, the Staceys’ roommate, so and so's ex-girlfriend, a college graduate, so many labels!…

Now, I still have some of my original labels but the ones people worry about a lot these days are the letter labels before a name, the Miss, Ms. or Mrs. labels.  I guess we all go through a time when we worry about these letters, but over the course of the last few years I have realized a lot about myself and my labels.  For so many years I was kind of resentful that I was always “so and so’s something” and never me…but the thing is, that it took all of those things to make me who I am.  All of those little niches carved me into who I am.  Being R and B’s daughter was how I learned how to be a worker and to love.  Being M and D’s sister gave me plenty of protection from bad dates in high school and beautiful nieces and nephews now.  And being the Staceys' roommate gave me some of the craziest nights I could have ever imagined but two of the best friendships I could have ever thought possible.  All of my labels were relationships or accomplishments or things about my character that I wouldn’t change because they have made me who I am today. 

While I may have wanted to trade in my Ms. for the Mrs. before, it was never right because I was never right.  I have learned more about me with each day that passes.  I grow each day.  I stumble and scrape my knees and have all out busted my face a few times, but with each fall, I know that I am closer to being who I am supposed to be for the man I am supposed to be with.  God has someone amazing for me and I know that I will be ready for him when its time.

So I guess to answer the question as to when you become you…I think you become you when you realize that every aspect of your life including your faults and labels have made you who you are…so, I guess that means I am me. :)

Have a GOODloe Day.

Stripes, Spots and A Shattered Windshield

It’s always been said that there are pretty much two kinds of people in this world….bugs and windshields.  For years of my life I was a bug.  I let people walk all over me.  I let people do and say whatever they wanted to me and just took it without firing much back for fear of what they might think or say.

So then some years back I decided I was going to be a windshield.  I was going to start holding my own against their words and criticism.  Start firing back if I needed to… And where did it get me…honestly?...

Now I am just a bug with b*$!@y windshield tendencies. 

You can’t change your stripes.  It wasn’t my place to try to become someone else just because other people weren’t being good people.  Granted I need to not let people use me and take advantage of me, but there is a difference in putting a stop to that and making yourself become a b-word to try to make people stop treating you a certain way.   

You can go through life continually trying to be something you will never be, or you can accept what you are and try to just be as good of a person as you can be at that.  I may never be a person who can firmly tell someone they are hurting me, but you better believe that I am the person who will tell someone if they are hurting someone I love…That’s one of my stripes, right along in there with wearing my feelings on my sleeves. 

If you can't accept that you will never be this other person, one day you are going to wake up and realize your life is far off track from where you wanted it to be.  In some areas you may be thriving, but in others you know that you have more in store for you, and that God has more in store for you…but chances are, as long as you are fighting for this other life, you will never get what you are destined for…maybe it’s time to shatter the windshield if that will help you do what you need to to get what you deserve.

Have A GOODloe Day!

Faulty McFaulterson

Gullible.  Easily tempted.  Need to be needed.  A sucker for pretty eyes and a nice smile.  A touch of road rage.  Passive-aggressive.  Overly obsessive about noses.  Trust issues.  Distractable.  Perfectionist.  ….Some of my faults (lol, the list seemed to keep growing as I my blog went on, should have written a shorter blog!)     

Trusting others is probably the one that plagues me the most though I bet.  (Although I wish I could remember how many times people got me with the “gullible isn’t in the dictionary” thing before I remembered it.)   My trust issues are pretty out of control, and mainly because I try to control them.  I have been hurt so many times that I am constantly teetering on too much trust and no trust and I can’t find any middle ground so I end up hurt again. 

If you constantly have a wall up and trust nobody and let nobody in, you will end up alone and the by product will be you sitting alone at night watching HBO with a bucket of popcorn in your fat pants.  The tissues can only console you for so long…eventually you have to have something more but until you can learn to break down your wall or at least start pulling bricks out, you won’t make any progress with someone else.

But usually what happens is that after I have gone so long in the lock out phase I end up trusting too much.  I realize that I have been pushing everybody away and ruining relationships so I just start letting everybody in, trusting too much.  I have not only torn down the wall guarding my heart but hauled off the bricks and handed out free passports too.  I always end up broken down and consulting the Kleenex box again.

So the happy medium…hmmm…where is it?  Well people, I think I am finally there…I dunno how I found it but I really think I did this time.  I have learned to be cautiously optimistic.  I still get my feelings hurt, but I am stronger.   Granted eyes and smiles are still my kryptonite, but I will keep working to make myself stronger and maybe one day they won’t phase me so much. (yea, right!)

But I do kind of think part of my newly found strength in myself is because I have learned to be honest with myself.  I don’t lie to myself anymore.  The fact that I can admit that I have faults is more than I used to do.  But also I used to sugar coat things for myself to make things not hurt so bad…but now I am just like “Maybe he’s just not that in to you.”  Or “Wow, you have been screwing up a lot in this area of your life,” but at the same time at the end of the day I can still say “Pick yourself up, you are good person.  Tomorrow is a new day.” 

But I do like that I don’t have to include “weak” as one of my faults,  because I know I am a strong person… even if I have to remind myself of it every day. 

Have a GOODloe Day!

Valentine's Day... Gotta love it..

Valentine’s Day… A day in which there is a definite line drawn between the Have’s and the Have Not’s in the relationship world. And as someone who can say that I have played for the Have Not’s on Valentine’s Day far more often, I can say that it actually does get less annoying and miserable with each year.

I dunno if it is better because I have gotten immune to all of the over sized teddy bears staring at me in Wal-Mart over the years as I buy myself boxes of chocolates or more likely that something in me has finally said “Who gives a Crap.” I am kinda leaning toward the latter though. Even when I have had serious, long-term boyfriends on V-day it wasn’t always the best of times… Think about it…how much time do you spend stressing about what you should do for them? Or how much time do you spend apologizing because you forgot or it wasn’t enough? I think I can honestly remember only one V-Day that was super awesomely perfect. 1. And remember, I am 26 (that's 10% of Happy V-Day's in my 10 years in the dating world, slightly pathedic.)

Maybe it’s just that we put too much pressure on V-Day. It’s supposed to be about spending time with the one you love right? Showing them how you feel? Well shouldn’t you be doing that the other 364 days of the year? Why put so much pressure on one day? Maybe just commit to making it a romantic night together…not this huge production. If you put that much pressure on one day then yea, that box of chocolates you bought as you were going through the checkout line is gonna tick her off…and then you will be buying her make up diamonds.

I will admit that I used to be like Jessica Biel’s character on “Valentine’s Day.” If I would have had enough friends here last year to have had an “I hate V-day Party” I would have…but I don’t feel that way anymore. I am happy for people who have someone to share it with. But it’s just another day to me these days. Maybe that will change if I end up with someone who likes celebrating them, but if not, then he and I can have simple nights alone together and that will be fine.

I’m not saying that you should kick out the holiday, in fact, I don’t recommend it at all if you are in a relationship to take the “Who gives a Crap” mentality… I do think V-day is a good holiday. It is a time specifically marked for spending time together with someone you love, but just try to think of V-day things you can do every day for that special someone and it will bring you closer and build your relationship daily and will probably prime you for a less stressful and pressured February 14th (threw the date in there in case you guys reading this still haven't figured it out that its Monday).

But you could just be thinking… "Yea, check out the single girl giving relationship advice!" lol.

Have a GOODloe Day!..and Happy Valentine's Day Loves..

Fighting

Fighting- Brianna Goodloe

Verse1
IT STARTED LIKE A FANTASY
PERFECT EVERYONE AGREED
A LOVE I THOUGHT I'D NEVER KNOW
THEN A SLAP ACROSS MY FACE
IN YOUR SLEEP CAME ANOTHER'S NAME
BUT OUR LOVE COULD STILL BE TRUE.

(CHORUS)
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING A GOOD FIGHT
NEVER GIVIN' UP ON OUR LOVE
BUT YOU'RE PUTTIN' UP A GOOD FIGHT
SECOND CHANCES AREN'T YOUR STYLE
BUT I'M DOIN' MY TIME, FOR ANOTHER WOMAN'S CRIME
STILL NO WHITE FLAG FLYIN' HERE TONIGHT,TONIGHT.

Verse2
THE ARGUMENTS GOT WORSE AND WORSE
CRYIN' WAS JUST LIKE MY CURSE
BUT I NEVER WAVERED FROM OUR LOVE
I LOOK BACK WITH SUCH DESPAIR
LOSING YOU WAS MY GREATEST FEAR
BUT YOU'D 'READY SLAMMED THE DOOR

CHORUS

Verse3
NOW THAT TIMES A PASSIN',
MY SONGS A LITTLE CHANGIN'
YOU'VE HAD TIME TO COME BACK TO MY LOVE
I'M DRESSED UP IN MY RED DRESS.
GONNA FIND ME A REAL MAN
HE'S GONNA TREAT ME JUST RIGHT
I KNOW MY NEXT MAN IS A LUCKY ONE.

(REVISED CHORUS)
I FOUGHT A GOOD FIGHT
FINALLY GIVIN' UP ON OUR LOVE
'CAUSE YOU PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT
SECOND CHANCES WEREN'T YOUR STYLE
BUT I'M DOING FINE, IN FACT I GOT A DATE IN FIVE
AND THE ONLY FLAG I'M FLYING IS A LITTLE RED DRESS TONIGHT,TONIGHT.

Wrote this song back months ago and made a few changes to it, but I think I have gotten it just about right. 

Love is a funny thing.  You can work so hard on it...It can make you, break you and then turn around and you realize that it turned you into something better for the next person.  And if you had a hard break up and it takes you a while to get back in the saddle, that's fine, don't let others pressure you into it..nobody knows your heart like you do...if you're not ready you're not ready...love comes when its supposed to and you can't rush it... "Love is Rose but you better not pick it, it only grows when it's on the vine."...I think that applies here.  It is something that has to be ready in it's in own time and with the right person...you can't just say, ok, I'm ready to be in love today and try to force love on the next date you have.  There has to be chemistry among other things, but your heart also has to have healed from your last heartache.  So, I think I have opened a couple cans of worms in this one, but I will tackle them another day, I just wanted to share with you that love is a process and for some relationships it's not a lifelong process but only season... but it doesn't mean it doesn't have an affect on you, so all of you who are happily with someone show a little support (not sympathy) for those who have had their hearts broken and are making their own paths for themselves...maybe jumping into a relationship isn't what God wants for them or what they want for themselves.  So respect it.
Have a GOODloe Day

Two Faces

Ok, so here we are in 2011. My biggest 2011 goal is to not let others bring me down.  I am doing whatever it takes this year to have more smiles and less tears. I am choosing who to be around by how they make me feel, sure it's tough at times to make a decision about spending time with someone you love, but if in the end it helps you to grow then I think it is necessary.

It's going to be a continual effort throughout the year...and it started already this past week.  I have come to the realization that I have "friends" who aren't really friends at all.  People who to my face tell me they love me, miss me, want to go to lunch, ya dee ya da... but they have a second face...one that would slight me without batting an eye.  So will the real face please stand up?  Or is everything a mask to these people?  Do they even know who they are inside? (What would be interesting to know is how many of you right now are wondering if I am talking about you...if I found out about the deceit behind your eyes...no names are given, so keep wondering, but lucky for you I am a forgiving person.)

At first I was kind of hurt, I will admit.  I let it get to me..a nag in the pit of my stomach that I really don't know who my friends are.  But then like a sunrise on the horizon, I had a peace and I knew no matter what others do to me I am still me and can still be a good person to them.  Whether they are being friend or fiend, or have one face or two doesn't matter...that doesn't change who I am and will be to them and the world.

This year I am going to work to be more real.  I don't want to ever be someone who people can call two faced or say that I wear a mask.  I am sure in my past I have done things that made people call me fake, or whatever, but I choose to be different.  Each day we have a chance to be a new person.  I am going to work to be more loving, accepting, kind hearted, respectful, and REAL and I want the people I love to help me be accountable in those goals. 

Matt Damon once said, "It's better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody." Well Mr. Damon..I have to disagree...I will keep my real, nobody life and rock it! We are what we make of it and I plan to be the happiest one faced person this side of the Mississippi!
Have a GOODloe Day!

Into The Wind

How many nights have you laid awake thinking about things that were, could have been, things that you can’t change now, the past? How many times have you raised out of bed with the same fears, hurts, struggles that you went to bed with?


I am glad that I can’t really put a number to how many of those nights and mornings I can lay claim to because it is probably shamefully high. Last night I was laying in bed and it came crashing down on me that I have been holding onto hurts and looking back…and not letting myself move forward. We have one life to live and its but a breath in the grand scheme…and there is no room for looking back.

Today is crazy windy out in my part of the world and it brought about an embarrassing lesson for me…when I was walking forward the winds blew my hair back away from my face and I could see everything pretty clearly, I just had to squint my eyes a little but I could get through it…It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t an easy walk in the park (if you will) but I knew where I was going and the path I was on… but then I couldn’t remember if I had locked my car so I looked back at my car and beeped the clicker and in just that time the wind whipped my hair in my face and as I tried to get the hair out of my eyes and mouth I walked into a brick wall. Comical to you, perhaps, but it hurt more than just my pride. But looking back at my car was like what we all do when we start thinking about our past. We take our minds off of what we are doing, what is ahead and what is most important. The wind was like all of the stuff that is constantly being thrown at us daily and just because you turn around to look at your car doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop blowing…but when you are walking into the wind your body adjusts to it and life isn’t so hectic, but stop and turn against it and you change the whole dynamic.

But whether you think it’s a good analogy of how focusing on the past can bite you or not, it made me start thinking.

Charles Kettering said “You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.” I want to be the best I can be so why hold myself back by continually looking back at my hurts and let downs? No more.

Have a GOODloe Day and an even better New Year!

2010 Lessons

What have I learned this year? That was the question the radio station asked today…hmm…Well, let’s see…


1. You can never be thankful enough for the little things in life. We take things for granted. Up until this year I took walking for granted. For a couple of months this year I was in a wheel chair, and even since then a few times my movement has been limited, but by the grace of God and great family to help me through I am walking and won’t ever take it for granted again.

2. That brings me to my second thing: Family and Friends. I have learned this year that I have amazing people in my life. Family who will go great distances to make sure I am ok. Drive 1000’s of miles, pay hospital bills, arrange for hotel stays…you name it…I have had a family member do it for me this year. And friends…friends who kept my spirits high when I was near my lowest. Friends who made sure I was financially ok and emotionally ok…I am truly blessed.

3. I have learned that you sometimes have to take your walls down and open yourself up to be hurt if you really want to be loved…it’s just a chance worth taking.

4. I learned that you can never tell those around you that you love them nearly enough…you never know when tomorrow is your last tomorrow…. That this might be your last hug or kiss. We aren’t guaranteed another day, hour or minute… So let them know you miss them..love them..I promise there are a lot more people who regret that they didn’t say it enough than there are who said it too much.

5. You can let things in your past dictate who you are or you can take charge of your life and make something of yourself. Where you have come from following a bad experience or from your raising may not have been your fault but who you become is between you and God.

6. And I guess the last thing I have learned is that you have to forgive. I know that’s something that I “have known” for years but I don’t think it’s something I apply to my life as a daily thing like I should. If you don’t forgive like you should you are holding yourself back from gifts from God and from really knowing love. Forgiveness will totally change who you are, bring you a peace like you can’t believe.

So, 2010 is wrapping up and I have learned a few things, which is good. And what I have learned are life lessons that will carry me into 2011 and beyond and I am hoping that maybe they will help you a little in your evaluation of your life and year. I am thankful for you and for all of God’s blessings and for one more chance to tell you all I Love You.

Have a GOODloe Day!