Faulty McFaulterson

Gullible.  Easily tempted.  Need to be needed.  A sucker for pretty eyes and a nice smile.  A touch of road rage.  Passive-aggressive.  Overly obsessive about noses.  Trust issues.  Distractable.  Perfectionist.  ….Some of my faults (lol, the list seemed to keep growing as I my blog went on, should have written a shorter blog!)     

Trusting others is probably the one that plagues me the most though I bet.  (Although I wish I could remember how many times people got me with the “gullible isn’t in the dictionary” thing before I remembered it.)   My trust issues are pretty out of control, and mainly because I try to control them.  I have been hurt so many times that I am constantly teetering on too much trust and no trust and I can’t find any middle ground so I end up hurt again. 

If you constantly have a wall up and trust nobody and let nobody in, you will end up alone and the by product will be you sitting alone at night watching HBO with a bucket of popcorn in your fat pants.  The tissues can only console you for so long…eventually you have to have something more but until you can learn to break down your wall or at least start pulling bricks out, you won’t make any progress with someone else.

But usually what happens is that after I have gone so long in the lock out phase I end up trusting too much.  I realize that I have been pushing everybody away and ruining relationships so I just start letting everybody in, trusting too much.  I have not only torn down the wall guarding my heart but hauled off the bricks and handed out free passports too.  I always end up broken down and consulting the Kleenex box again.

So the happy medium…hmmm…where is it?  Well people, I think I am finally there…I dunno how I found it but I really think I did this time.  I have learned to be cautiously optimistic.  I still get my feelings hurt, but I am stronger.   Granted eyes and smiles are still my kryptonite, but I will keep working to make myself stronger and maybe one day they won’t phase me so much. (yea, right!)

But I do kind of think part of my newly found strength in myself is because I have learned to be honest with myself.  I don’t lie to myself anymore.  The fact that I can admit that I have faults is more than I used to do.  But also I used to sugar coat things for myself to make things not hurt so bad…but now I am just like “Maybe he’s just not that in to you.”  Or “Wow, you have been screwing up a lot in this area of your life,” but at the same time at the end of the day I can still say “Pick yourself up, you are good person.  Tomorrow is a new day.” 

But I do like that I don’t have to include “weak” as one of my faults,  because I know I am a strong person… even if I have to remind myself of it every day. 

Have a GOODloe Day!