Faulty McFaulterson

Gullible.  Easily tempted.  Need to be needed.  A sucker for pretty eyes and a nice smile.  A touch of road rage.  Passive-aggressive.  Overly obsessive about noses.  Trust issues.  Distractable.  Perfectionist.  ….Some of my faults (lol, the list seemed to keep growing as I my blog went on, should have written a shorter blog!)     

Trusting others is probably the one that plagues me the most though I bet.  (Although I wish I could remember how many times people got me with the “gullible isn’t in the dictionary” thing before I remembered it.)   My trust issues are pretty out of control, and mainly because I try to control them.  I have been hurt so many times that I am constantly teetering on too much trust and no trust and I can’t find any middle ground so I end up hurt again. 

If you constantly have a wall up and trust nobody and let nobody in, you will end up alone and the by product will be you sitting alone at night watching HBO with a bucket of popcorn in your fat pants.  The tissues can only console you for so long…eventually you have to have something more but until you can learn to break down your wall or at least start pulling bricks out, you won’t make any progress with someone else.

But usually what happens is that after I have gone so long in the lock out phase I end up trusting too much.  I realize that I have been pushing everybody away and ruining relationships so I just start letting everybody in, trusting too much.  I have not only torn down the wall guarding my heart but hauled off the bricks and handed out free passports too.  I always end up broken down and consulting the Kleenex box again.

So the happy medium…hmmm…where is it?  Well people, I think I am finally there…I dunno how I found it but I really think I did this time.  I have learned to be cautiously optimistic.  I still get my feelings hurt, but I am stronger.   Granted eyes and smiles are still my kryptonite, but I will keep working to make myself stronger and maybe one day they won’t phase me so much. (yea, right!)

But I do kind of think part of my newly found strength in myself is because I have learned to be honest with myself.  I don’t lie to myself anymore.  The fact that I can admit that I have faults is more than I used to do.  But also I used to sugar coat things for myself to make things not hurt so bad…but now I am just like “Maybe he’s just not that in to you.”  Or “Wow, you have been screwing up a lot in this area of your life,” but at the same time at the end of the day I can still say “Pick yourself up, you are good person.  Tomorrow is a new day.” 

But I do like that I don’t have to include “weak” as one of my faults,  because I know I am a strong person… even if I have to remind myself of it every day. 

Have a GOODloe Day!

Valentine's Day... Gotta love it..

Valentine’s Day… A day in which there is a definite line drawn between the Have’s and the Have Not’s in the relationship world. And as someone who can say that I have played for the Have Not’s on Valentine’s Day far more often, I can say that it actually does get less annoying and miserable with each year.

I dunno if it is better because I have gotten immune to all of the over sized teddy bears staring at me in Wal-Mart over the years as I buy myself boxes of chocolates or more likely that something in me has finally said “Who gives a Crap.” I am kinda leaning toward the latter though. Even when I have had serious, long-term boyfriends on V-day it wasn’t always the best of times… Think about it…how much time do you spend stressing about what you should do for them? Or how much time do you spend apologizing because you forgot or it wasn’t enough? I think I can honestly remember only one V-Day that was super awesomely perfect. 1. And remember, I am 26 (that's 10% of Happy V-Day's in my 10 years in the dating world, slightly pathedic.)

Maybe it’s just that we put too much pressure on V-Day. It’s supposed to be about spending time with the one you love right? Showing them how you feel? Well shouldn’t you be doing that the other 364 days of the year? Why put so much pressure on one day? Maybe just commit to making it a romantic night together…not this huge production. If you put that much pressure on one day then yea, that box of chocolates you bought as you were going through the checkout line is gonna tick her off…and then you will be buying her make up diamonds.

I will admit that I used to be like Jessica Biel’s character on “Valentine’s Day.” If I would have had enough friends here last year to have had an “I hate V-day Party” I would have…but I don’t feel that way anymore. I am happy for people who have someone to share it with. But it’s just another day to me these days. Maybe that will change if I end up with someone who likes celebrating them, but if not, then he and I can have simple nights alone together and that will be fine.

I’m not saying that you should kick out the holiday, in fact, I don’t recommend it at all if you are in a relationship to take the “Who gives a Crap” mentality… I do think V-day is a good holiday. It is a time specifically marked for spending time together with someone you love, but just try to think of V-day things you can do every day for that special someone and it will bring you closer and build your relationship daily and will probably prime you for a less stressful and pressured February 14th (threw the date in there in case you guys reading this still haven't figured it out that its Monday).

But you could just be thinking… "Yea, check out the single girl giving relationship advice!" lol.

Have a GOODloe Day!..and Happy Valentine's Day Loves..

Fighting

Fighting- Brianna Goodloe

Verse1
IT STARTED LIKE A FANTASY
PERFECT EVERYONE AGREED
A LOVE I THOUGHT I'D NEVER KNOW
THEN A SLAP ACROSS MY FACE
IN YOUR SLEEP CAME ANOTHER'S NAME
BUT OUR LOVE COULD STILL BE TRUE.

(CHORUS)
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING A GOOD FIGHT
NEVER GIVIN' UP ON OUR LOVE
BUT YOU'RE PUTTIN' UP A GOOD FIGHT
SECOND CHANCES AREN'T YOUR STYLE
BUT I'M DOIN' MY TIME, FOR ANOTHER WOMAN'S CRIME
STILL NO WHITE FLAG FLYIN' HERE TONIGHT,TONIGHT.

Verse2
THE ARGUMENTS GOT WORSE AND WORSE
CRYIN' WAS JUST LIKE MY CURSE
BUT I NEVER WAVERED FROM OUR LOVE
I LOOK BACK WITH SUCH DESPAIR
LOSING YOU WAS MY GREATEST FEAR
BUT YOU'D 'READY SLAMMED THE DOOR

CHORUS

Verse3
NOW THAT TIMES A PASSIN',
MY SONGS A LITTLE CHANGIN'
YOU'VE HAD TIME TO COME BACK TO MY LOVE
I'M DRESSED UP IN MY RED DRESS.
GONNA FIND ME A REAL MAN
HE'S GONNA TREAT ME JUST RIGHT
I KNOW MY NEXT MAN IS A LUCKY ONE.

(REVISED CHORUS)
I FOUGHT A GOOD FIGHT
FINALLY GIVIN' UP ON OUR LOVE
'CAUSE YOU PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT
SECOND CHANCES WEREN'T YOUR STYLE
BUT I'M DOING FINE, IN FACT I GOT A DATE IN FIVE
AND THE ONLY FLAG I'M FLYING IS A LITTLE RED DRESS TONIGHT,TONIGHT.

Wrote this song back months ago and made a few changes to it, but I think I have gotten it just about right. 

Love is a funny thing.  You can work so hard on it...It can make you, break you and then turn around and you realize that it turned you into something better for the next person.  And if you had a hard break up and it takes you a while to get back in the saddle, that's fine, don't let others pressure you into it..nobody knows your heart like you do...if you're not ready you're not ready...love comes when its supposed to and you can't rush it... "Love is Rose but you better not pick it, it only grows when it's on the vine."...I think that applies here.  It is something that has to be ready in it's in own time and with the right person...you can't just say, ok, I'm ready to be in love today and try to force love on the next date you have.  There has to be chemistry among other things, but your heart also has to have healed from your last heartache.  So, I think I have opened a couple cans of worms in this one, but I will tackle them another day, I just wanted to share with you that love is a process and for some relationships it's not a lifelong process but only season... but it doesn't mean it doesn't have an affect on you, so all of you who are happily with someone show a little support (not sympathy) for those who have had their hearts broken and are making their own paths for themselves...maybe jumping into a relationship isn't what God wants for them or what they want for themselves.  So respect it.
Have a GOODloe Day

Two Faces

Ok, so here we are in 2011. My biggest 2011 goal is to not let others bring me down.  I am doing whatever it takes this year to have more smiles and less tears. I am choosing who to be around by how they make me feel, sure it's tough at times to make a decision about spending time with someone you love, but if in the end it helps you to grow then I think it is necessary.

It's going to be a continual effort throughout the year...and it started already this past week.  I have come to the realization that I have "friends" who aren't really friends at all.  People who to my face tell me they love me, miss me, want to go to lunch, ya dee ya da... but they have a second face...one that would slight me without batting an eye.  So will the real face please stand up?  Or is everything a mask to these people?  Do they even know who they are inside? (What would be interesting to know is how many of you right now are wondering if I am talking about you...if I found out about the deceit behind your eyes...no names are given, so keep wondering, but lucky for you I am a forgiving person.)

At first I was kind of hurt, I will admit.  I let it get to me..a nag in the pit of my stomach that I really don't know who my friends are.  But then like a sunrise on the horizon, I had a peace and I knew no matter what others do to me I am still me and can still be a good person to them.  Whether they are being friend or fiend, or have one face or two doesn't matter...that doesn't change who I am and will be to them and the world.

This year I am going to work to be more real.  I don't want to ever be someone who people can call two faced or say that I wear a mask.  I am sure in my past I have done things that made people call me fake, or whatever, but I choose to be different.  Each day we have a chance to be a new person.  I am going to work to be more loving, accepting, kind hearted, respectful, and REAL and I want the people I love to help me be accountable in those goals. 

Matt Damon once said, "It's better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody." Well Mr. Damon..I have to disagree...I will keep my real, nobody life and rock it! We are what we make of it and I plan to be the happiest one faced person this side of the Mississippi!
Have a GOODloe Day!

Into The Wind

How many nights have you laid awake thinking about things that were, could have been, things that you can’t change now, the past? How many times have you raised out of bed with the same fears, hurts, struggles that you went to bed with?


I am glad that I can’t really put a number to how many of those nights and mornings I can lay claim to because it is probably shamefully high. Last night I was laying in bed and it came crashing down on me that I have been holding onto hurts and looking back…and not letting myself move forward. We have one life to live and its but a breath in the grand scheme…and there is no room for looking back.

Today is crazy windy out in my part of the world and it brought about an embarrassing lesson for me…when I was walking forward the winds blew my hair back away from my face and I could see everything pretty clearly, I just had to squint my eyes a little but I could get through it…It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t an easy walk in the park (if you will) but I knew where I was going and the path I was on… but then I couldn’t remember if I had locked my car so I looked back at my car and beeped the clicker and in just that time the wind whipped my hair in my face and as I tried to get the hair out of my eyes and mouth I walked into a brick wall. Comical to you, perhaps, but it hurt more than just my pride. But looking back at my car was like what we all do when we start thinking about our past. We take our minds off of what we are doing, what is ahead and what is most important. The wind was like all of the stuff that is constantly being thrown at us daily and just because you turn around to look at your car doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop blowing…but when you are walking into the wind your body adjusts to it and life isn’t so hectic, but stop and turn against it and you change the whole dynamic.

But whether you think it’s a good analogy of how focusing on the past can bite you or not, it made me start thinking.

Charles Kettering said “You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.” I want to be the best I can be so why hold myself back by continually looking back at my hurts and let downs? No more.

Have a GOODloe Day and an even better New Year!

2010 Lessons

What have I learned this year? That was the question the radio station asked today…hmm…Well, let’s see…


1. You can never be thankful enough for the little things in life. We take things for granted. Up until this year I took walking for granted. For a couple of months this year I was in a wheel chair, and even since then a few times my movement has been limited, but by the grace of God and great family to help me through I am walking and won’t ever take it for granted again.

2. That brings me to my second thing: Family and Friends. I have learned this year that I have amazing people in my life. Family who will go great distances to make sure I am ok. Drive 1000’s of miles, pay hospital bills, arrange for hotel stays…you name it…I have had a family member do it for me this year. And friends…friends who kept my spirits high when I was near my lowest. Friends who made sure I was financially ok and emotionally ok…I am truly blessed.

3. I have learned that you sometimes have to take your walls down and open yourself up to be hurt if you really want to be loved…it’s just a chance worth taking.

4. I learned that you can never tell those around you that you love them nearly enough…you never know when tomorrow is your last tomorrow…. That this might be your last hug or kiss. We aren’t guaranteed another day, hour or minute… So let them know you miss them..love them..I promise there are a lot more people who regret that they didn’t say it enough than there are who said it too much.

5. You can let things in your past dictate who you are or you can take charge of your life and make something of yourself. Where you have come from following a bad experience or from your raising may not have been your fault but who you become is between you and God.

6. And I guess the last thing I have learned is that you have to forgive. I know that’s something that I “have known” for years but I don’t think it’s something I apply to my life as a daily thing like I should. If you don’t forgive like you should you are holding yourself back from gifts from God and from really knowing love. Forgiveness will totally change who you are, bring you a peace like you can’t believe.

So, 2010 is wrapping up and I have learned a few things, which is good. And what I have learned are life lessons that will carry me into 2011 and beyond and I am hoping that maybe they will help you a little in your evaluation of your life and year. I am thankful for you and for all of God’s blessings and for one more chance to tell you all I Love You.

Have a GOODloe Day!

Did you know???

Did you know that if you put a 26 year old law abiding citizen behind the wheel of a machine that can produce 300 horsepower its like a whole new person comes out? It takes me everything I can do to not speed in that car.  Used to, speeding in the city happened on accident because I might not be paying attention, now speeding in the city might happen just because I put it into 2nd gear.  It's crazy!!  8 cylinders is alot of power to control and I hope I learn to control it before I get busted...
Also, did you know that if you put a 26 year old woman in a Mustang GT at a stop light it apparently means she wants to race?  I didn't know that buying this car meant that all of sudden everybody was going to try to race me and in case you are wondering...no, I am not racing...I am controlling that urge somehow...although I don't know how.  Some of them are just no brainers...like seriously dude??? You really think your dropped 4 four banger, rice burning honda is gonna beat my car just because you put on a new spoiler and look over (not thru) your cool shades?? Really, it's dark outside, lose the sunglasses. And get a life because your car won't stand a chance.  My car can do 0-60 in 4.9 seconds... so cut it out, I don't need the temptation and we both know I am gonna win anyway.
Third, did you know that if you are a 26 year old woman and tell men that you can handle a manual Mustang GT that atleast 7 out of 10 of them will light up and start talking power and cars with you?  I didn't know that knowing how to drive a stick is apparently a skill that not a lot of girls know how to do.  But go me I guess! I don't let myself get down about the 30% who don't get excited because they are probably city boys who have never learned how to drive one and feel outplayed by me...heehee...or atleast that's what I am going to start thinking now. 
So here is the nitty gritty, bottom line of it all...My car is the first thing I have ever really done for me... I am single, no kids, and hopefully in a few years all of that will all change, but I wanted to do something for me in the mean time that I can enjoy and have fun with.  When I start having kids I won't be able to have it so when is a better time than now to do what makes me happy?  I will spend the rest of my life striving to please the man of life and my beautiful babies...but for now, I am going to let myself enjoy this me time, in my beautiful blue muscle car.